Rinduku

Di sini aku merajut sepi dan rindu...

Aku tak tahu mengapa rasa sayang ini timbul meski aku tahu persis tak mungkin semuanya akan berakhir seperti yang aku inginkan.
Dan lucunya, seperti yang aku tulis tempo hari, ada gadis lain yang mencintai pria yang kusayang, yang akhirnya membuatku melangkah mundur.

Kemaren malam, gadis ini memberitahuku bahwa pria yang kusayang sepertinya mempermainkan dirinya.
Dan secara alami aku menasehati dia untuk berdoa dan memberi pria itu waktu dan ruang supaya dia juga bisa berdoa. Anehnya, aku menasehati dia dengan tulus, meski ada rasa kehilangan yang besar di hatiku.

Aku tak mengerti apakah Tuhan masih akan memberi waktu dan kesempatan, dan mempertemukan aku dengan seseorang yang kelak akan menjadi suamiku.
Kapan aku bisa mencintai dan dicintai tanpa ada orang lain di antara kami?
Kapan aku benar-benar bisa menjalin hubungan dengan seorang pria?

Aku tidak bohong bahwa aku merasa sepi dan sendiri.
Namun aku tidak bisa menyatakan itu semua secara terbuka karena aku merasa malu.
Kapankah ada seorang pria yang akan mencintaiku dengan tulus, tanpa mempermainkan diriku?

Tuhanku, Engkau tau kerinduan dan seruan hatiku.
Ku berdoa...

It just likes a roller coaster

For the last few days, my feeling is just like a roller coaster.

Ups and downs, then turns and twists.

I really want to shout out to release what's inside of me.

I have been on this point for many times, and yet am struggling on how to handle on.

The feeling of loneliness... as all I need is a very best friend.

It's been long since I'm in the position to always give, become a shoulder for someone else, become an ear to listen to people, and so on..

I really need anyone who are willing to give his/her shoulders for me to lean on, and ears to listen to my heart cry...

I wonder if I never tried to look for it?

I wonder if I'm too arrogant to acknowledge my need in front of others?

However, should I confess it openly?

is that wise?

I really am confused...

What I like Rhyme

what's the good of toffee
compares with a cup of coffee?

will you buy dice
when you need rice?

I'm a brilliant
because I like durian

to cook am not able
though I like eating vegetable

don't be a preacher
when your calling is a teacher

*hehehehe...*

Me on iseng day - Sunday May 7, 2011, 3:16pm

Only to YOU

Lord...
Grant me a heart of flesh
instead of a heart of stone
Help me to be a motivator
instead of a provoker
Teach me to have a right perspective
on any single thing that comes my way
Give me eyes to look on people and things
far beyond what appear right before my eyes
Guide me to be faithful to You
in what You have given me
Mold me according to Your plan
though You have to crush me
 
To You, only to You,
My life is...

Me on reflection on Sun, May 7, 2011 - 9:55am

being all alone (again)

I feel all alone... I can't deny this.

Not even one best friend I have at this moment I write this post.

When I left this place few years back, I still have a handful best friends.

have I wronged anyone of them?

should I be more open in accepting new friendships?

I don't know...

and worse is someone starts liking a man whom I like since few months ago.

And as usual, as I always do, I prefer to step back and give way.

I can't accept it for awhile, I know

but, when this cycle will stop in repeating the process?

should I speak out and not give way?

I don't know...

I just learn to surrender.

Maybe this is not my right time

Maybe this is not His right timing

Maybe I have to search all over again

though am afraid of being disappointed again

I'm tired

I'm disappointed

I fell am all alone